It's a medical emergency! Quick, call Mary-Kate!

Who in the hell would call Mary-Kate Olsen when someone's life is on the line?

According to the latest on Heath Ledger's untimely death, he evidently died in the afternoon.

The housekeeper heard him snoring at 1:00 pm, when she was changing a lightbulb in his room, so all was well, evidently.

THEN . . . "At 2:45 p.m., the massage therapist showed up for Ledger's appointment, knocked on his door and got no answer. She later noticed Ledger was unconscious and called actress Mary-Kate Olsen, whose number was programmed into Ledger's cell phone, to seek advice, police said."

Uhhhhh, what?

My buddy Kirk surmised that maybe the masseuse was a Full House fan. Maybe that's the way it went down. Maybe Heath was already stone-cold dead, and the masseuse was star-struck.

I can just imagine that conversation, "Uh, hi . . . you don't know me, but (ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmyGOD!!) I'm here in Heath Ledger's bedroom (trying to contain squeals of delight) and um, I saw your name, like, on his phone, and um . . . I KNOW, he is so HAWT! but, um, anyway, he's like, blue or something. (pause) Yeah, blue. Is that bad? (pause) So . . . Do you ever talk to Uncle Joey?"

Jesus.