Random chat

Typical of the way we spend our days, believe it or not.

Rita: You know what is sort of delightful?
kirk: saw Zodiac last night
Rita: sitting on a heating pad
kirk: i think that would make me shit myself
Rita: (laughing)
kirk: if you havent seen it. its good
Rita: what, you shitting yourself?
Rita: I dont want to see that
Rita: but thanks anyway
kirk: why not?
kirk: its filmed (set) right in my backyard
Rita: ewwwwww
Rita: do you have a toilet back there?
kirk: shut up, i mean Zodiac
Rita: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Rita: (I have to blog this, sorry)
kirk: but if youre ever intersted http://www.kirkssloppyhole.com
Rita: Tease! That's not even a real site!
kirk: you clicked it?!
kirk: lol
Rita: That's how much I trust you
Rita: I can see now that trust is deeply misplaced
Rita: (good one, though)
Rita: It ALSO indicates how crazy I TRULY think you are
kirk: right
kirk: i film my shitting asshole , in my backyard no less and then, as if that wasnt enough, i put it on the internet.. but really what other use is there for footage like that?
Rita: that's right . . . that is ripe for YouTube
kirk: or YOUPORN.com
kirk: i saw a lady get a bucket of semen poured on her head on that site.
kirk: ANYWAY... have you seen Zodiac?

Yo yo yo!!!! For all the moms . . .

Compliments of my dear friend, Allison. I'll never look at my ductaped sideview mirror the same way again.

Public Service Announcement

From an IM with my friend Kirk this afternoon:

kirk: Myspace has found more than 29,000 registered sex offenders with profiles and gave them the boot.
kirk: so if you know someone who couldnt log in today .. or notice that some of your friends on mypace have deleted accounts.. its because they were pervey.
Rita: damn
Rita: Well, I'll have to look later . . . I couldn't seem to log in this morn . . ..
Rita: oh wait
kirksucks611: lol

The funniest thing I have read in awhile

From probably the funniest blog I have had the pleasure to peruse:
The Blank Top Chronicles (stories of a taxi cab company phone operator):

GUY: I called for a cab like an hour ago and it's still not here.

ME: (looking it up in the computer) Well, we sent him almost as soon as you called. He must have picked up the wrong person.

GUY: But I asked you to call me when he was there!

ME: Well, sometimes the driver pulls up and somebody just hops in their cab. They assume that's their passenger and they take them.

GUY: I don't understand, you were supposed to call! Why didn't you?

ME: He didn't tell us he was there, so I didn't know to call you. He assumed the guy he saw was you, he didn't consult us.

GUY: Didn't he ask the name or anything?! Isn't the driver supposed to do that?

ME: Yes, they are. But sometimes they don't. I wish I had control over what they do. Hell, I wish I had omnipotent control of the entire human race. But I don't. Yet...

GUY: Well can you send another one? And actually call when he's there?

ME: I can try, but like I said, there are really no guarantees. Your best bet is to actually be physically there waiting for him.

GUY: You'd BETTER call, understand?

ME: Man you are SO going down when I have omnipotent control of the entire human race.

If you have good control of your bladder, read more here. Hell, even if you DON'T, read it anyway.

High School Musical

So . . . eventful weekend.

We went to Hub's 20th high school reunion this past weekend, despite his initial protests and misgivings.

"No one knew me, and I didn't know anyone," he glumly remarked when he received the invitation.

"All the better!" I giggled. "That's a recipe for fun!"

And so it was.

For that evening, I adopted the persona of a fellow graduate, approaching shocked classmates with tales of debauchery, like "Oh my God! Do you remember when we hotwired that car and skipped the fence at that apartment complex and skinny dipped in the pool, drunk?"

In hindsight, I wish I hadn't chosen to say that to what appeared to be a pastor, but really, it was the $7.50 cash bar fake mojitos talking, mostly.

I managed to coerce most of the graduating class into seeking out Hub to say hello and pretending to remember him (he was right, they didn't). He did the same thing, pretty much.

By the end of the evening, everyone had figured out who had come out (of the closet), flipped out (of their minds), or gotten out (of prison). There were a few that looked like ex-strippers, a few that looked like ex-cons, and the majority that looked like they hadn't seen the backside of fun in very nearly 20 years.

Hub spent the evening giggling at me. Hell, MOST people did. The cheerleaders that never knew Hub ended the evening kissing his face and telling him how much they loved us both (granted, Hub looked hot, and granted, they were on their 3rd or 4th fake mojito, too.)

I didn't go to my reunion. I can't imagine I would have had NEARLY as much fun as I had at his, though.

More Teenie Cuteness

OK, so . . .

Day 2 with Miss Teenie

Events of note:

Hubby calls her "walnut head". He was stunned to discover that when properly motivated, she can climb up his leg, up his chest, and pry open his mouth with her paws when liverwurst is at stake.

She slept all night with The Boy. No whining, no pee pee. Good girl!

I took her with me when I took the kids to camp. I felt like George, John, Paul and Ringo in "Hard Day's Night". Kids stampeded us! We had to run for our lives!

I have been asked if she is a ferret. I have wondered if she is a cat.

We got a bill of good health from the vet yesterday. She officially weighs 2 pounds, 10 ounces. She tried to jump off the exam table, a jump that would have SURELY killed her. She seems to be completely fearless.

And partial to peanut butter.

Squidbillies

This is some funny shit. I order you to watch it right now.