Thursday, August 28, 2008

Presurgery - Day 2

So . . . this feels familiar.

I'm on Atkins again, but this time, its to shrink my liver for surgery. My doctor requires 2 weeks of low carbing in preparation for the procedure. Evidently, carbs make the liver "fatty" and firm, and it needs to be small and flexible to be moved aside and lifted to accomodate the bypass.

Surprisingly, I haven't had any cravings for restricted stuff. Normally, I'd be tempted, but not this time. It feels like I am able to stick to the plan, because I am moving toward something that is finally going to work for me.

I can't recall how many times I have lost 30 or 40 pounds. I really can't - that's how many times I have done it. It's a vicious cycle: lose the weight, feel better, plateau or bounce, and gain it back, plus some. Not that I think that the surgery is magic, but it will be a HUGE help for me to keep moving toward my goal weight and not fight so hard.

I'm so tired of fighting.

Getting the surgery feels like winning and losing at the same time. I feel like I finally won because it was so hard to get to this place. It was hard to find the right doctors, it was hard to get approval, it was hard to wait, it was hard to be denied over and over. At the same time, I feel like I lost because I couldn't do it on my own, because I have to resort to major surgery to attain a normal weight and regain my health.

Thin in a year. It still amazes me to even consider that.

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