2005 - After the Goldrush

So, here I sit . . . post-Christmas, post-New Years, post-2005.

All in all, I'm pretty numb.

Because I always said that this blog would serve as a repository for my memories and experiences, I feel compelled to recap my year here.

2005 has been a doozy.

Listening to Neil Young has always been just as calming as sipping a hot tea. Join me, won't you?

AFTER THE GOLDRUSH
Neil Young

Well I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming
Saying something about a queen.
There were peasants singing and drummers drumming
And the archer split the tree.
There was a fanfare blowing to the sun
That was floating on the breeze.
Look at mother nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies.
Look at mother nature on the run
In the nineteen seventies . . .


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It's no secret that I didn't blog much in 2005. I was busy.

2005 was a rollercoaster year. Hell, who am I kidding? Most of my years are rollercoaster years, but THIS year, there was no lapbar and no attendant to stop the ride, despite the screaming.

Going through dad's illness, surgery and paralysis was a like a tour of war.

Just when that was sinking in . . . the spring storms flooded their home, which led to incredible financial hardships. It was just a few weeks after we had sorted through the soggy remains, feeling like the worst HAD to be over, that the next wave hit.

I was lying in a burned out basement with the full moon in my eyes
I was hoping for replacement when the sun burst thru the sky
There was a band playing in my head and I felt like getting high
I was thinking about what a friend had said I was hoping it was a lie . . . .

My mom's cancer diagnosis came in July. Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer of the bone. Terminal.

It's been hell. No 2 ways about it.

In the midst of all of this, my daughter turned 10, my son turned 4. I'm sad to say that both were a blur.

We celebrated our 10 year anniversary. It was a blur, too.

I buried the hatchet with my ex-husband, who turned up when things went to hell and helped more than I was able to comprehend. Same with the "bad brother". We still aren't close, but we have communicated more this year than in the last 30.

I reconnected with first cousins that disappeared long, long ago. My dad's family has been irrevocably shattered for decades, but a search among Classmates.com turned up 2 cousins in NJ, two in CA, and one in New Orleans. He and I have been communicating the most this past year, even through Katrina, when he was washed out of his home. He's hopeful and rebuilding.

Hell, we all are.

Well, I dreamed I saw the silver spaceships flying
In the yellow haze of the sun
There were children crying and colors flying
All around the chosen ones
All in a dream, all in a dream . . .

One of the most amazing things that happened this year occurred just this past month. After months of being in bed, so sick that she couldn't move without intense pain, and gulping down morphine every 4 hours, my mom started feeling, well, better.

She was getting up in the morning, and staying up throughout the day. She started taking walks. She eased off her morphine a little at a time, until she stopped taking it altogether. We all saw some improvement, but just had no idea what to make of it. When she had her followup MRIs, CAT scans and bloodwork in early December, her doctor, incredulous, announced that she is in remission and wouldn't need followup for 3 months. Initially in July, we didnt think she would live for 3 months. Now things look more promising. It was the highlight of the year to take her, my sister and my kids to the Nutcracker ballet. I never thought I would get to do that again. I also had the family Christmas at my house with nearly the entire family in attendance. Another thing I never thought would happen again. We were told differently, but her body has a mind of its own.

Look at mother nature on the run . . .